Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
where am i from again
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
