you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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