so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
