So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
there is puke in my bra ... again
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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