he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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