haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
