You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
