between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
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