Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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