Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
