just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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