I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
