The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
