but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
