Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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