I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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