Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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