Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
