Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
