It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
pray to the hookup gods
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
