You just made me feel so damn special
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
