I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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