i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
40s are totally the cure
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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