so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
