do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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