im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
