she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
