I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
