After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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