Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
