there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
