listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
