He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
