i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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