The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
