I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
