then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
