Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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