People with herpes should wear stickers.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
