it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
