I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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