Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
