No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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