shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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