remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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