I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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