My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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