What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
