if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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