he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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