this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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