the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
