I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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