The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
