i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She said her name was "party"
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
