My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
