You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
