my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I could make wine with my vomit
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize