If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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