im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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