Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
