Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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