my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
