idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
