i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
