there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
