god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I want a musical about memes.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
