is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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