I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
